Bittersweet Symphony

Cause it's a bittersweet symphony this life ..
Trying to make ends meet, you're a slave to the money then you die
I'll
take you down to the only road I've ever been down
You know the one that
takes you to places where all the veins meet

No change, I can change, I
can change, I can change,Where all the veins meet yeah,But I’m here in my mould
, I am here in my mould.But I’m a million different people from one day to the
next...

Well I've never prayed,
But tonight I'm on my knees, yeah.
I need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me, yeah.
I let
the melody shine, let it cleanse my mind, I feel free now.
But the airwaves
are clean and there's nobody singing to me now

.

Those are lyrics from song bittersweet symphony which is performed by the verve in late 1990s. And it became the soundtrack for the cruel intentions movies. It was a hit back then, and such a marvelous work I think :)

I love the song so much, especially for the instrument. The orchestra really did their job with wonderful.

Life indeed is sometimes tastes so bitter, and in the other time so sweet.
But mostly, we just come to think bout life when it's the bitter one.
However, many of the sweet times come along with bitter part in it.

Music things are one I always considered and love so much.
I'm not always like things I could do only, but also things I can't do.
Like playing music isn't my skill but my delightful one.
While playing instrument is something forbidden by my mother (we've got migran),
sing is one I could do :)
I sing whenever I sad, tired, boring, joyful, grateful, fallin in love with somebody, or just whenever I like. In a right time of course.

Well, it's like what I've been in these days : UNDER PRESSURE, I keep to sing and it helps me to not gettin crazy. Music has been my favourite cure since I don't even remember when.
I like to hear classic, soul, rock, pop, jazz, or just anything that's good in ryhtm and flowing harmony. It's a bitter thing too to know that I'm the one who broke my own voice.
I didn't really understand too how much I need my voice till it didn't work as usual anymore and I got so confused cause when I sing to throw away my problems, I get another problem when I hate my own voice.
It happens about months ago and now my voice is in a sensitive-case. Hitherto I'm trying for not eat anything that has a risk to harm my voice :)

Yeah, those are what make this life has the bitter and the sweet taste.
Even though it's a sad thing when a happiness comes along with problems.
I don't really understand with what I'm writing about too, maybe it's just a way of mine to throw away problems from my mind. Not a very sane idea too, for it's wasting my time, but it's a way better than to be drunk with sadness :)

VICTORY THROUGH SURRENDER : IT'S REAL!

Well, just yesterday I posted about being live under pressure.
And my conclusion yesterday are between surrender and have faith.
So I did surrender and still steadfast in God, and thanks Jesus Christ!
I have outta all my problems today! What a freedom I have today :)
It's FUN to have BREAK FREE !

Considering the last story I wrote here, I'll write how my theatrical problem solved!
From this morning, I've been wandering about what should I choose for today's activity because of my crashed schedule. Actually I wanna go to visit my sick friend and attend my community cell, but all my hours are grabbed by the theatre rehearsal time.
And I do need to get outta that theatre. Being a theatrical actress is not my future focus.

I'm more to be a businesswoman :)

So, back to the story!
I was afraid with the captain (freaky-freaky boy) and coach of the theatre.
It's true. I'm not such an adventurous-hot-blooded gal.
And if you saw my latest tweets and fb's stats then you'd see me as a stupid and fool gal!

I waited till my 3rd break just to speak with the captain and ALAS! that's pretty easy! Well, he's kinda mad with me but hitherto I'm so happy now for they've let me go. For they can do nothing if I don't want to join them. I just realized that I didn't make any resume to join them as a club, but I just joined them as a part of festival! What a relieve :) Now I know something really clever. an ASSUMPTION is just NOTHING but a whole-cake of FOOLISHNESS! I waited so long just to say that I wanna quit for nothing?! yes that's certainly correct!

Just surrender all to God (if you have faith once again!) like what the bible said in the Ecclesiastes 3:11 :
He (God) has made everything right in its time; but he has made their hearts without knowledge, so that man is unable to see the works of God, from the first to the last.

live under pressure

NUTS is a word I use occasionally for things like what I've been wandering in these days.
and LIVE UNDER PRESSURE are words that certainly describe my condition right now.

So, if you know me person to person and seeing me now, then you'll see a hopeless pale and white face with so many reason to cry.
But I'm not crying. I'm trying to keep calm down and just carry on.

I don't want and I don't need to tell you the whole pieces of my story, for it's just gonna make your day worse than it is. But I'll share some of my problems with you.
It will be a good cure and make me keep going forward.

Sooner is better.
That is a phrase my mom said that I should have aware of from long time ago.
Well, here is the story.
About a month ago, I decided to do the audition for my school's "woaah" theatre.
Theater is such an enormous extra curriculum or club in my school that looks so cool from outside. I did the audition before considering my almost-full-booked schedule.
And Alas! They accept my resume and they want to play me for a small character.
But, the thing is. Oh my dear God, my schedule is so sick full!
Later, after so many prayers and advices, I decided to get outta the theatre, but I'm so scared to say that. So I waited a little longer while they told me not to come to the rehearsal for awhile because they had so many characters to play at that time.
But now! Okay, they asked me to play a small character with the rehearsal time till night.
And I have so many other activity that I should considering too.
*Sigh*
I should have to told them. But I just can't do that. I hate assumption because it's just worsen things, but honestly I did have so many assumption that caused me Cortisol reaction adds stress like now.

There's nothing that seems I could do than just remain still and do what should I do wholeheartedly.
For in everything you do, never do it halfheartedly. You'll find yourself on the edge of a cliff if you guilty.
Remain calm when you live under so many pressure.
Eat some Ice cream, bars of chocolate, watch glee, go shopping or do many useful activities to reduce your stress are advices. But I do have so many activities that I couldn't handle them all by myself. So what? just surrender it all to God (For I have faith in God) and don't mind it too bad!
There is always something I could learn from my daily story :)
So! Keep breathing and living your life!

secret desires : MODELS

Have you ever got a big and wild dream?
I have, and I do.
And honestly, I have so many big and wondrous dreams :)

one of them is to become a model.
Speak of the truth, I'm not in the type of a superslim body that could compete modeling.
Sad, indeed. But no worry. It's also so hard for being a model for everybody. Even the perfect body type ones :)
Let's face it. The clients, especially the blue chip ones are the stars of fashion now and it's their choices, selections and bookings that make and break models today. (source : Models.com).
In an increasingly competitive market, flooded with hundreds of "cool editorial girls", its the campaigns and contracts that are the final index of how crucial a model is at any given moment.
So, not only you've gotta have a perfect body and face, but you also have gotta have what the producers say as CHARM. well, prince Charming is fame for non sense.

Many models came with no thoughts of being a model.
They try their best for be a charming women. And there they are beyond those all glassy and blingy bizarre flash!

Still, dream is a great thing to have.
Try to dream as high as moon, for if you fail then you still on the clouds.

pretty little disaster

Faith is a thing human should have as hope to keep living.
Faith is more or less looks like a motto, belief, way of living.
I have a faith that even in the worst and horrible situation, there is a wisdom or lesson that I could pick beyond that.

However, today -from humans eyes- for me is a pretty little disaster.
Like a manipulative system, I got drowned by problems. That's humanity I should say. But still, it's horrible, should be avoided, have to be a warning for every population on earth.

So, today is the third day of my mid term test week. The schedules of today are physics and religion tests. I have done my best to study, and before I continue the story, I should say that I'm a fast learner and a good student. But today's morning was a disaster!
I started a good morning with a nice confident for the tests. But my pals' frightfulness brought me down to ground. I got nervous and alas!

I did wrong on this :
0.7 : 0.1 = ??
I answered 0.07! What a shame!! That should have to be 7 !!

Well, and like the river never stops to flow my problems with physics haven't done yet.
I did wrong again on sin cos tan thingy!
tan 3/4 (three fourths) = ?
I answered 90, when I know exactly that the answer is certainly 37!

I also have got to do the remedial test!

Of course regret is nothing but a waste.

Well, what should I learn from today?
Never get down so easily! Believe you can do it!

Starter

I live a normal and sometimes 'boring' life. But life isn't always so sorrow and horrid.
I have felt so many beautiful things. And so we could see and learn some beautiful things too!
Be grateful is a way to go. Surrender to God (if you have a belief), is one another good and fastest way.
Yet, humans aren't that easy-going to be grateful or surrender.
And i still don't have any conclusion to solve that till now :)

I love many memorable quotes and phrases. Especially the one which goes with the daily livings.
A great thing, starts with many single small pieces of things.
Try to learn from the smallest part, then I could reach the peak.

Well, time is one human never could compete with. We're all should be so aware and be respectful of time.
"Don't waste too much time in front of the blog", my legendary-mother said. And she's always right on that.

Catch out with you later guys.