running from the shadow

Humans are the same from centuries.
We don't wanna live in the pressure, in the problems, in things we don't like.
But many things that we like to do, at the end must be having all those problems and pressure.

All successful people around the world have one same story : they have never given up. especially in the midway.
We're all living in a race. till our goal could be achieved, then never stop to run!
even every single second is really worth to keep running.

Once in a interview, the marathon runners were all asked where is the hardest miles in the race. Most of them answered that after they could stand with miles 3-4, they gonna be alright but in the 3/4 way of race the real fight would began. They would getting so tired and it seemed to be no way they could stand till the goal.
 

And it seems the same exact thing happens in our daily livings.

When people are living in such a quite comfortable life, some little problems could be enormously hard to bear. 

In fact, there are many people commit suicide for ridiculous reason, or I should say they decided too rush. 

To get away from your problem, you mustn't runaway! You've gotta FACE it!

I have a real experience about thinking commit suicide. It was on my 8th grade. I used to be so rebellious and temperamental. Well, there were some big problems occurred back then and my parents knew it accidentally. I locked myself in my room and almost wanna die if it's not because of my friend whom I called that told me this verse of bible :

⁸ “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD.
⁹ “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

These are from ISAIAH 55:8-9 which I believe has been a popular verses. But they did remind me that my problems aren't so big that I must end my life. So instead end up my life, I came up and face my parents and olala! Here I am years later. Fresh from the oven and I'm ready to face the whole world!  
The time I faced my problems, was the time I'm getting encouraged.

That's why you need to face your problems so you'll be brave even more to face another one!

new year's revolution

maybe I'm 20 days too late to write this, but it's okay for me. it's my blog, and i'll do everything I want in it :)

well,
new year's eve could be one of greatest moments in a year, or the worst one if you have nothing to do on that day.
I'm from a family who likes to enjoy every single holiday season we have, and yet we have never let any holiday season passed without celebrating it. But in 2010, many things happened and caused us lots of problems to be handled.
First is, my cousins came and stayed during the Christmas till new year because my mom wanted to pay their study fees (read : give scholarships).
The second is, I have to participate in my church's service which is my duty.
The third, my sister's feet which always get so sensitive need to be consulted with the doctor because of its condition that got worsen.

So, the decision had been made. And we didn't go anywhere special for the new year's eve. We just ate out at night, and I think it's okay. But my mom got disappointed at that day. I knew that even though she didn't really express it at the day.

And it's such an IMPORTANT MESSAGE to ALL CHILDREN in the world : Be more caring to your moms and dads. sometimes they just get so upset but they just can't express it. So, rather than being punished and scolded by their exploding anger, it would be better to keep your attitude in a right way.

At midnight, near the year's changing, my sister and I were busying ourselves with our own stuffs. I kept playing the computer while she was reading her novel.
My dad looked outside to see the fireworks. But my sister and I have never really enjoyed to see fireworks with our family. So we did and said nothing.
And then, just so suddenly my mom came out from her room and threw away her anger to us.
She punished me with not buying me a new cellphone which IS REALLY NEEDED BY ME right now, also to cut off my internet cable. I didn't really remember what she said to my sister, but really.. Making your mom angry at you on new year's eve is such a HORRIBLE thing to do.

yeah, every single thing that happens to me really always gives me something to learn about.
And what I learn in this, is that I need a revolution to think more about my family,
because honestly I didn't do that so much lately.
Family is important yeah, but yourself is important too.
SO EVERYTHING IS NOT GOOD IF YOU HAVE IT TOO MUCH :)

may you all readers have at least one new revolution thing to do this year!

The importance of reading BIBLE

Well, today's post maybe for some people only towards for christians. But honestly, even Mahatma Gandhi did read bible in his lifetime :) And yet now I'm just going to share what I passed these days.

Actually, in times when you think your prayer for years hasn't got answered by God, your faith -no matter how hard you denied- is fading off. It's what I was going through.
And I just got to such a stupid opinion last night : "Is God really exist?"

what a moron question, because I've been given SO MANY wonderful amazing experiences with God before, and yet in hard times I could think of that.
But, in the morning when I woke so early as usual to read bible, I came to remember whole stuffs that God has done to me. How often He gave me the same experience with what my daily devotional I read in the morning, how awesome His ways out of problem that He always given to me, or how amazing His grace to calms me down.

It's true that sometimes your daily devotional hours are boring. But then you'll realize how important it is.


Human lives not only by bread, but with God's words :)

secret desires #2 : orchestra player

it's been a while since my latest post,
and now I wanna announce that :

I love orchestra!

you won't believe how much I want to be a violinist, conductor, or cellist if only I were free to choose my options :)
well, being one of players in the orchestra need a sync between your own ego, emotion, behavior, talents, and performance.
I have just watched the pro-orchestras from TV, online streaming, and video.
the rest just orchestra from my school. But, I'm really impressed with what have they done with the symphonies and music.

For I know that there is no way I could be one of them, then I changed my mind to be a businesswoman, so I could make lotsa orchestra one day.
If I can't be what I want, then I should just pay people to do that! lols
It was one of my mom's advices to me.

Well, I once asked my mom : "Mom, would you ever mind if I wanna be a violinist?"
I thought she would support me like others did, but this was her answer :
"You know what, I raised you to be a multimillionaire businesswoman. Once you have all the money in the world, you could make tons of orchestras don't you ever think of that?!"

And that's how she always changed my mind from being what I desired of :)
So, move on!
If you know that you won't be something. Then be anything else that could buy people to fulfill your desires! lolss!

Bittersweet Symphony

Cause it's a bittersweet symphony this life ..
Trying to make ends meet, you're a slave to the money then you die
I'll
take you down to the only road I've ever been down
You know the one that
takes you to places where all the veins meet

No change, I can change, I
can change, I can change,Where all the veins meet yeah,But I’m here in my mould
, I am here in my mould.But I’m a million different people from one day to the
next...

Well I've never prayed,
But tonight I'm on my knees, yeah.
I need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me, yeah.
I let
the melody shine, let it cleanse my mind, I feel free now.
But the airwaves
are clean and there's nobody singing to me now

.

Those are lyrics from song bittersweet symphony which is performed by the verve in late 1990s. And it became the soundtrack for the cruel intentions movies. It was a hit back then, and such a marvelous work I think :)

I love the song so much, especially for the instrument. The orchestra really did their job with wonderful.

Life indeed is sometimes tastes so bitter, and in the other time so sweet.
But mostly, we just come to think bout life when it's the bitter one.
However, many of the sweet times come along with bitter part in it.

Music things are one I always considered and love so much.
I'm not always like things I could do only, but also things I can't do.
Like playing music isn't my skill but my delightful one.
While playing instrument is something forbidden by my mother (we've got migran),
sing is one I could do :)
I sing whenever I sad, tired, boring, joyful, grateful, fallin in love with somebody, or just whenever I like. In a right time of course.

Well, it's like what I've been in these days : UNDER PRESSURE, I keep to sing and it helps me to not gettin crazy. Music has been my favourite cure since I don't even remember when.
I like to hear classic, soul, rock, pop, jazz, or just anything that's good in ryhtm and flowing harmony. It's a bitter thing too to know that I'm the one who broke my own voice.
I didn't really understand too how much I need my voice till it didn't work as usual anymore and I got so confused cause when I sing to throw away my problems, I get another problem when I hate my own voice.
It happens about months ago and now my voice is in a sensitive-case. Hitherto I'm trying for not eat anything that has a risk to harm my voice :)

Yeah, those are what make this life has the bitter and the sweet taste.
Even though it's a sad thing when a happiness comes along with problems.
I don't really understand with what I'm writing about too, maybe it's just a way of mine to throw away problems from my mind. Not a very sane idea too, for it's wasting my time, but it's a way better than to be drunk with sadness :)

VICTORY THROUGH SURRENDER : IT'S REAL!

Well, just yesterday I posted about being live under pressure.
And my conclusion yesterday are between surrender and have faith.
So I did surrender and still steadfast in God, and thanks Jesus Christ!
I have outta all my problems today! What a freedom I have today :)
It's FUN to have BREAK FREE !

Considering the last story I wrote here, I'll write how my theatrical problem solved!
From this morning, I've been wandering about what should I choose for today's activity because of my crashed schedule. Actually I wanna go to visit my sick friend and attend my community cell, but all my hours are grabbed by the theatre rehearsal time.
And I do need to get outta that theatre. Being a theatrical actress is not my future focus.

I'm more to be a businesswoman :)

So, back to the story!
I was afraid with the captain (freaky-freaky boy) and coach of the theatre.
It's true. I'm not such an adventurous-hot-blooded gal.
And if you saw my latest tweets and fb's stats then you'd see me as a stupid and fool gal!

I waited till my 3rd break just to speak with the captain and ALAS! that's pretty easy! Well, he's kinda mad with me but hitherto I'm so happy now for they've let me go. For they can do nothing if I don't want to join them. I just realized that I didn't make any resume to join them as a club, but I just joined them as a part of festival! What a relieve :) Now I know something really clever. an ASSUMPTION is just NOTHING but a whole-cake of FOOLISHNESS! I waited so long just to say that I wanna quit for nothing?! yes that's certainly correct!

Just surrender all to God (if you have faith once again!) like what the bible said in the Ecclesiastes 3:11 :
He (God) has made everything right in its time; but he has made their hearts without knowledge, so that man is unable to see the works of God, from the first to the last.

live under pressure

NUTS is a word I use occasionally for things like what I've been wandering in these days.
and LIVE UNDER PRESSURE are words that certainly describe my condition right now.

So, if you know me person to person and seeing me now, then you'll see a hopeless pale and white face with so many reason to cry.
But I'm not crying. I'm trying to keep calm down and just carry on.

I don't want and I don't need to tell you the whole pieces of my story, for it's just gonna make your day worse than it is. But I'll share some of my problems with you.
It will be a good cure and make me keep going forward.

Sooner is better.
That is a phrase my mom said that I should have aware of from long time ago.
Well, here is the story.
About a month ago, I decided to do the audition for my school's "woaah" theatre.
Theater is such an enormous extra curriculum or club in my school that looks so cool from outside. I did the audition before considering my almost-full-booked schedule.
And Alas! They accept my resume and they want to play me for a small character.
But, the thing is. Oh my dear God, my schedule is so sick full!
Later, after so many prayers and advices, I decided to get outta the theatre, but I'm so scared to say that. So I waited a little longer while they told me not to come to the rehearsal for awhile because they had so many characters to play at that time.
But now! Okay, they asked me to play a small character with the rehearsal time till night.
And I have so many other activity that I should considering too.
*Sigh*
I should have to told them. But I just can't do that. I hate assumption because it's just worsen things, but honestly I did have so many assumption that caused me Cortisol reaction adds stress like now.

There's nothing that seems I could do than just remain still and do what should I do wholeheartedly.
For in everything you do, never do it halfheartedly. You'll find yourself on the edge of a cliff if you guilty.
Remain calm when you live under so many pressure.
Eat some Ice cream, bars of chocolate, watch glee, go shopping or do many useful activities to reduce your stress are advices. But I do have so many activities that I couldn't handle them all by myself. So what? just surrender it all to God (For I have faith in God) and don't mind it too bad!
There is always something I could learn from my daily story :)
So! Keep breathing and living your life!

secret desires : MODELS

Have you ever got a big and wild dream?
I have, and I do.
And honestly, I have so many big and wondrous dreams :)

one of them is to become a model.
Speak of the truth, I'm not in the type of a superslim body that could compete modeling.
Sad, indeed. But no worry. It's also so hard for being a model for everybody. Even the perfect body type ones :)
Let's face it. The clients, especially the blue chip ones are the stars of fashion now and it's their choices, selections and bookings that make and break models today. (source : Models.com).
In an increasingly competitive market, flooded with hundreds of "cool editorial girls", its the campaigns and contracts that are the final index of how crucial a model is at any given moment.
So, not only you've gotta have a perfect body and face, but you also have gotta have what the producers say as CHARM. well, prince Charming is fame for non sense.

Many models came with no thoughts of being a model.
They try their best for be a charming women. And there they are beyond those all glassy and blingy bizarre flash!

Still, dream is a great thing to have.
Try to dream as high as moon, for if you fail then you still on the clouds.

pretty little disaster

Faith is a thing human should have as hope to keep living.
Faith is more or less looks like a motto, belief, way of living.
I have a faith that even in the worst and horrible situation, there is a wisdom or lesson that I could pick beyond that.

However, today -from humans eyes- for me is a pretty little disaster.
Like a manipulative system, I got drowned by problems. That's humanity I should say. But still, it's horrible, should be avoided, have to be a warning for every population on earth.

So, today is the third day of my mid term test week. The schedules of today are physics and religion tests. I have done my best to study, and before I continue the story, I should say that I'm a fast learner and a good student. But today's morning was a disaster!
I started a good morning with a nice confident for the tests. But my pals' frightfulness brought me down to ground. I got nervous and alas!

I did wrong on this :
0.7 : 0.1 = ??
I answered 0.07! What a shame!! That should have to be 7 !!

Well, and like the river never stops to flow my problems with physics haven't done yet.
I did wrong again on sin cos tan thingy!
tan 3/4 (three fourths) = ?
I answered 90, when I know exactly that the answer is certainly 37!

I also have got to do the remedial test!

Of course regret is nothing but a waste.

Well, what should I learn from today?
Never get down so easily! Believe you can do it!

Starter

I live a normal and sometimes 'boring' life. But life isn't always so sorrow and horrid.
I have felt so many beautiful things. And so we could see and learn some beautiful things too!
Be grateful is a way to go. Surrender to God (if you have a belief), is one another good and fastest way.
Yet, humans aren't that easy-going to be grateful or surrender.
And i still don't have any conclusion to solve that till now :)

I love many memorable quotes and phrases. Especially the one which goes with the daily livings.
A great thing, starts with many single small pieces of things.
Try to learn from the smallest part, then I could reach the peak.

Well, time is one human never could compete with. We're all should be so aware and be respectful of time.
"Don't waste too much time in front of the blog", my legendary-mother said. And she's always right on that.

Catch out with you later guys.